Couple Mechanics – Book Review

I was astounded by the beauty of the library; it’s right by the river, my favorite river and very favorite spot in the whole city, The Delaware river.

I had replaced a hold on a book earlier that day and went to pick it up at Bristol Library. They told the book was being shipped from another branch of the library and it’ll take two days to get there.

Amazed by the view, stunned ny the endless shelves and a desire inside me to read more book, I picked up that book, Couple Mechanics. The title, the cover all spoke to me, made me feel somehow that I need such a book in my life now that I have a partner and stories might really help me have a healthier relationship with my partner.

There are many factors that combined all together make us fall in love. That’s how I fell for this book. I have been so lost lately, lots and lots of things going on on my mind, so mentally disturbed and preoccupied. I needed an escape, a vent. This book offered was all that to me. More importantly, it was a story I loved dearly.

In such an emotional rush, Olivier decides to call his lovely wife, the mother of his two lovely kids, that he’s been cheating on her for the last three weeks. Caught off guard, Juliette is staggered. She decides to fight all the way, until the end.

How is trust to won after it’s been lost the first time? is it even possible to trust the same man who decided to sleep with another woman yet so concerned about her feelings, not even able to think of the idea of causing her any emotional harm? How do you make sure that man is not lying to you anymore? How can you really tell for real he wants you back? wants his kids and wife and whatever remains of his marriage?

Juliette herself has been raped. She had her fair share of fears and bad experiences in the past. How is that going to affect her decisions?

I love Juliette’s continuous fight to win her husband back, to rescue him from falling into a strange woman who might have given him something he needed at a specific point in his life, but not on the long run. I love the countless and endless conversation between the couple  about their love, their family and the life they share together. There was so much going on each one’s mind. They tried so hard to survive this ordeal. Juliette does not want to put up with whatever her husband throws on her; she’s strong, she’s capable of fighting, so she does.

There were many scenes of compassion and empathy. There were determination, perseverance and triumph. There were also hatred, contempt and fear. All together, made an eventful story of so many ups and downs, highs and lows.

I was so excited to read how Juliette is going to react to V’s calls and desperate emails, yet felt so disgusted by Olivier’s impatience and weakness. I could feel Juliette, by the end of a long summer full of restless, sleepless nights how tired she was. Nonetheless, V still shows up, refusing to let go of Olivier, the man who once said he loved her. But as Juliette says, “you can’t just tell someone you love them they stop loving them the next day”.

Today, I could not throw the book away. I had more than half of it to read. It was captivating. The story keeps building up; page after page, you are buried down, living life day to day with the characters, angry for them, worried about them. When matching it to real life, it can happen in every relationship, very smoothly when nobody’s paying attention. If you were them, you’d be as puzzled as they are, because you love, you care and you’re capable of hate and revenge.

Eventually, it’s now time for Juliette to experience what Oliver had felt with V. Will she survive it?!

Personally, this book gave me the metal escape that I needed, it made me forget about my feelings and daily events. I was totally consumed in the book and what a feeling.

 

The view from the library.

“picking your family” – The Defining Decade

There were so many occasions in the past and family gatherings that I never had the slightest desire to attend. Yet, my father was always forcing my brother and I out of the door to join him because he believes in extended family and strong social bonds that unite people and help them connect.

For me, this had always been a myth, not the idea per se but the family. Extended family or whoever is defined as a relative is basically a threat I need to stay away from and avoid as much as I can.

My parents always said you can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends. The majority of us have friends of whom we are proud. However, our families are not always our source of support and encouragement. Too many kids were raised and still do in unhealthy relationships which haunts the kids for a long time. None of us ever chose where to grow up, yet we always have the freedom of choice of our partners in the future which is the beginning of a great life for kids yet to be born or an imitation of what happened to others in the past.

In this chapter, the book deals with families and love, how we are so confused about our partners sometimes, how narrow-minded we can be focusing on trivial details, how we can be self-centered and not give other a chance to prove their love to us. The author says there’s always a chance to pick your family; it’s not only about picking our partners but their backgrounds, lifestyle, parents and families because this is where our kids would grow up, among these very people.

Lots of twentysomethings today are enjoying random dating and pointless sex focusing on the momentary satisfaction or attention we get from others when we date the most beautiful girl or the handsome guy with the Ferrari. They never ask themselves if they are the right future partner or not. We can’t foresee ourselves in the future, so we don’t really plan ahead. I don’t like to assume that the 30’s, 40’s or 50’s can be bad and torturing and we would be lonely, no; but we definitely will change and our priorities will change so we need to learn and discover these changes and work for them so then we’ll be happier and able to take the necessary steps to fulfill our dreams.

Relationships take a lot of understanding and empathy to work out. When the one we love says the most horrible thing in the world, it can be the best they could do to overcome a problem or release their stress they’ve kept inside.

The ideal relationship does not exist, yet the so imperfect one can be perfect in itself. Personally, I don’t like the idea of dating for too long to see if a couple can be happily ever after married or not. Just like that business idea you approached or fearless decision you made, your relationship is a risk you take, sacrifice for, thrive and be with the one you love and care for the most.

Jun 23, 2016 – Curiosity is a Killer

 

Something about being gay makes me want to talk to all the people that I admire, get to know them, draw their attention and show the person I really am with all the energy and power of love that I have which keeps me running undoubtedly embracing an ever great hope for a life full of enlightenment, discovery and achievement.

I don’t know why but gay men seem always to be more curious about more friends and other guys they find attractive. The kind of attraction is not always physical but more of a curiosity to discover, to fulfill the gay attitude in us for the sake of even more satisfaction.

Gay men are usually categorized according to their physical built and appearance which is quite cool as there’s always more terms and trends coming up. The gay dating websites and apps adopt these categories pretty well which results in such an easier yet more precise search result making your hunt for whatever personal reason really interesting. One website I really like has been my window to the outer gay world and contributed generously in my sexual education due to all the men I’ve met there and chatted with over the past few years.

Hundreds and hundreds of men I find interesting. Reading their stats and bios arouses, sometimes, big curiosity in my heart to get to chat with them and hopefully meet them in person only to live this connection I often experience with a few men. Usually, it’s more than physical; it’s a desire to get out from my small world and quite weak social skills I think I have. Sometimes, it’s the a taste of who I can be in a perfect world of acceptance and capabilities. Sometimes, it’s my awareness of others’ fortunes and desire to motivate them to live a better life where they are, where I believe could be a perfect world to me, where chances are available and rates of success are much higher and possible.

I have always wanted to have an account there and be a permanent citizen of that online community. However, feelings of desperation, fear, irresistible curiosity and disloyalty to my partner always lead me to delete my account and try to avoid this place because I do not want it to damage my real world, the place and relationship I truly desire because I am scared of getting caught up in a weird scenario case or lose my real life due to whatever illusion online communities might project on you.

I could spend hours searching for more results and men I don’t have any chance of meeting due to huge distance between us or other reasons. That’s what kills me and makes me unable to be the person I kind of want to be on the website. As much as I sometimes enjoy chatting, I don’t want to dedicate my time and energy to an online community. I still believe I can succeed here in real life where things are tangible and people are real, where my skills can be tested for real and results are more satisfactory.

It could work both ways, yes, that’s true, especially today as online life is becoming more real. But that’s sort of confusing, I don’t want to get into it now.

Yesterday, I made a decision I had made many times before: I will not log in to that website again and I shall focus on my real life with my partner because I want this, I want to be real.

Today, as expected, I am feeling kind of curious about logging in and just search the website for fun but I said no; I will stick to my decision and make use of my energy into something productive and that’s how I came with the idea of this blog.

Frustration

It’s just hard waiting pointlessly like this. He was supposed to send me the money a week ago; now he’s not showing up, not saying a word, not texting or calling or anything. Even when I try to contact him, he just doesn’t reply or answer.

We trusted each other from the beginning and I was always sure that had never do something like that. We didn’t actually discussed any repayment method because trust did exist. I did not need a proof to send any money.

I sent really know what to do; should I just call and yell, scream, curse? Or should I just take it easy and use my mind? The second sounds more right but am frustrated with him, I am really upset!