The Moment of Truth

A:”you shouldn’t eat that popcorn”

B: “popcorn is good for you. Trust me, I’ve tried so many diets, I know better”

A: “that’s why you’re pre-diabetic, you know better?”

B: “I’m pretty sure I’m diabetic, that’s what the doctor’s gonna say” – no eye=contact, deadpan!

That’s the conversation my partner and I just had. He’s pre-diabetic and does not seem to intend to do anything about it.

Moreover, he also just told me he’ll have to borrow money from his mom because we have many expenses and bills to pay and he doesn’t make enough money for all that!

Rock bottom, I hit you today and right now.

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Blue Sky

I can feel my pupils get smaller; though the sun is beginning to go down, its light is still everywhere. Humidity surrounds me, it’s hot but it’s more beautiful than staying home all day.

I walk a few steps, afraid of the noise; the cicadas are so loud. The moment when is quiet, another is getting louder and louder. Squirrels are running joyfully around the place; they climb the trees, race with each other. They look at me wondering why I;m looking at them; it’s the human-animal language, you have the choice to make a story out of it.

A few steps more, there it is, the blue sky. It’s miraculous. An ever-changing work of art, never twice the same. Though elements of such art are but a few, yet the beauty in different combinations of such elements is astounding.

The vastness of my city, the two-story building and endless landscapes all make the sky looks closer to us. If you look up for a second, you’d see it yourself. The rich blue color fills my eyes; it reflects on my mind; my brain lightens up, my soul, my whole body is responding to the light. For a moment, I stand there; stunned; how beautiful!

Couple Mechanics – Book Review

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I was astounded by the beauty of the library; it’s right by the river, my favorite river and very favorite spot in the whole city, The Delaware river.

I had replaced a hold on a book earlier that day and went to pick it up at Bristol Library. They told the book was being shipped from another branch of the library and it’ll take two days to get there.

Amazed by the view, stunned ny the endless shelves and a desire inside me to read more book, I picked up that book, Couple Mechanics. The title, the cover all spoke to me, made me feel somehow that I need such a book in my life now that I have a partner and stories might really help me have a healthier relationship with my partner.

There are many factors that combined all together make us fall in love. That’s how I fell for this book. I have been so lost lately, lots and lots of things going on on my mind, so mentally disturbed and preoccupied. I needed an escape, a vent. This book offered was all that to me. More importantly, it was a story I loved dearly.

In such an emotional rush, Olivier decides to call his lovely wife, the mother of his two lovely kids, that he’s been cheating on her for the last three weeks. Caught off guard, Juliette is staggered. She decides to fight all the way, until the end.

How is trust to won after it’s been lost the first time? is it even possible to trust the same man who decided to sleep with another woman yet so concerned about her feelings, not even able to think of the idea of causing her any emotional harm? How do you make sure that man is not lying to you anymore? How can you really tell for real he wants you back? wants his kids and wife and whatever remains of his marriage?

Juliette herself has been raped. She had her fair share of fears and bad experiences in the past. How is that going to affect her decisions?

I love Juliette’s continuous fight to win her husband back, to rescue him from falling into a strange woman who might have given him something he needed at a specific point in his life, but not on the long run. I love the countless and endless conversation between the couple  about their love, their family and the life they share together. There was so much going on each one’s mind. They tried so hard to survive this ordeal. Juliette does not want to put up with whatever her husband throws on her; she’s strong, she’s capable of fighting, so she does.

There were many scenes of compassion and empathy. There were determination, perseverance and triumph. There were also hatred, contempt and fear. All together, made an eventful story of so many ups and downs, highs and lows.

I was so excited to read how Juliette is going to react to V’s calls and desperate emails, yet felt so disgusted by Olivier’s impatience and weakness. I could feel Juliette, by the end of a long summer full of restless, sleepless nights how tired she was. Nonetheless, V still shows up, refusing to let go of Olivier, the man who once said he loved her. But as Juliette says, “you can’t just tell someone you love them they stop loving them the next day”.

Today, I could not throw the book away. I had more than half of it to read. It was captivating. The story keeps building up; page after page, you are buried down, living life day to day with the characters, angry for them, worried about them. When matching it to real life, it can happen in every relationship, very smoothly when nobody’s paying attention. If you were them, you’d be as puzzled as they are, because you love, you care and you’re capable of hate and revenge.

Eventually, it’s now time for Juliette to experience what Oliver had felt with V. Will she survive it?!

Personally, this book gave me the metal escape that I needed, it made me forget about my feelings and daily events. I was totally consumed in the book and what a feeling.

 

The view from the library.
The view from the library.

Physical-wise – The Defining Decade

The third and last part of this amazing book discusses the physical changes before, during and after the twenties and how planning for the future as well as working on ourselves during those years can help us be in a much better place.

The most interesting idea I loved in this chapter is the brain spurt. Well, our brains go through two major and big developmental stages. The first one happens in the first 18 months of our lives where the brain produces so many cells that it can use which explains the kids’ ability to learn so fast and pick almost any language at earshot. The extreme growth can affect children negatively because the mind can’t yet deal with all these cells and amount of activity in the brain which justifies how kids can say a statement in a false order.

The second spurt happens in our twenties. This time as the author explains we don’t learn languages, we learn all the things we need to prepare us for the adult life in our 30’s and later. This phase is all about experimenting and dealing with life first hand. At this age, we are able to pick up all kinds of knowledge , that’s why it’s so recommended to start working at this age and building a career; we are almost independent and have limited responsibilities.

This made me think of how much time we are wasting in our 20’s, it made me want to read more and more, learn as much as I can about anything I can.

I told my partner about this and he says “you’d better be specific also about what you learn”. He meant career-wise. Somehow, I do not think that was the most encouraging thing to say, yet it was sort of realistic maybe. I don’t want to overthink what he said, I don’t want to be grumpy!

The second idea in the chapter that caught my attention was under the title Calm Yourself. It’s summed up in being able to control your emotions and not respond negatively or emotionally to whatever comes your way. I love this and have learned it a while ago from Jack Canfield. We are “response-able” which means we can easily choose our responses to whatever happens; a better response, means a better result.

The last piece of advice shared is about doing the math; life will happen to us the same way it did to lots and lots of generations before us. Time does not go too fast or slow, it just goes steadily. A plan is paramount; a timeline, can help. The best time to do whatever we want to do is now. We need to think of it like that: right now; whatever, just do it right now, don’t wait until the next morning or weekend or whatever, RIGHT NOW, just start.

You and I have tried hard so many times to commit, we failed, let’s try again, right now! Let’s be who we want to be, you and I. We shall succeed and people shall follow!

“This is how it’s done!” – The Defining Decade

Distinctiveness is a fundamental part of identity. I am who I am because of how I am different from those around me

One of my fears about having a job used to be the feeling of being similar to too many people; having a job that pays me money but one where I can only work for the sake of work and making money. Being different and distinctive is a feeling we all experience in our twenties; most of us don’t want to be like someone else. and most of the time we like to think of ourselves as smarter, prettier, luckier and so on. That’s a good thing to do as I believe in positive self-talk. However, addressing ourselves this way only won’t be enough after a while as we will need to improve and add to our capital identity so we stay who we believe and like to be. That only comes with making a choice which is part of taking action.

The Tyranny of The Should is one of the ideas this books discusses. “I should have a job, I should look confident, I should make more money…” There are many “shoulds” to mention, only knowing why we should helps moving us in the right direction.

The message of the three parts of the book I’ve read today is to be more precise about what we want to do with our time, that even when we are sure of a hundred things we don’t want to do, we still must know that one thing we feel better about and do it. Yes, it might sound “ordinary” and “mundane” to do that thing. However, a clear purpose will keep us alert to more opportunities. When there seems to be a hundred opportunities to take, picking one does not mean the left 99 are gone but another hundred will open up soon. The risk of not choosing will lead to an end as the author called it, The Unthought Known. Nobody wants to be there, living whatever life throws on them.

Jul 12, 2016 – Oh Dear Family!

So far in my life, I think I have come a far way unlocking many resources of knowledge learning how to take care of oneself and how we can live a better life. Stress can be a killer. Back home, stress level and worry are so high; you worry about your life, about your health, kids, financial situation, security and safety. You worry about what others think, what they believe, about your neighbors, family, society and many many things that you shouldn’t give a second thought but you do because you are there and because you don’t know how to care less.

Being away from my family is sometimes hard. I miss them, that’s ok, but I fear for them and worry. They have a great life, thank God. I’d lived with them for too long to know they’re happy and satisfied. However, I now know there’s yet a better life to live, happier, less stressful and more fulfilling. I want this for them, all of them but can’t give it to them, at least at the moment. I’m not sure they all want what I want; they might be happier than I think they are so I just worry. I fear for them because I don’t know if they can take good care of themselves, defeat fear and overcome obstacles. I want to protect them, to make him so happy all the time.

It could be very simple!

I have always believed in teaching and educating. We are not there always to take care of our beloved ones, we better teach them, enlighten them and open their eyes to a greater knowledge.

My sister is going through a rough patch now. I am so far from her to offer help. When she calls, I listen, and listen more. I try to be the person I could not be when next to her, say the things I can’t say face to face and teach her how to be resilient and so determined.

Worry will not solve a problem; it’ll make things worse? yes, of course. Always try to move forward, baby steps, and you shall help and be.

 

June 19, 2016 – Temporary Relief

Only when desperation reaches its maximum level, we seek change only it’s all temporary relief. The change that you and I need is permanent and eternal; a change for the better and the happier.

With lots of free time, my life became so free lacking any kind of responsibility but what to eat and when to drink. Unemployed and with no career, I have no idea what to do. All day long, if not going out with my partner, I just sit down, eat, watch tv and suppress my desperation for a greater life and more friends. Only when it’s too tough, I try to get moving then quit and turn around on the next obstacle.