TV and Satisfaction

TV has become like music to me. I like music because of the way it makes me feel, of the way it makes me live what I feel and how many years later a song can still revoke the best memories and bring them back to my imagination. Most of the time when I’m feeling something special, I unconsciously seek music, seek the liveliness in music but never seek myself, my true feeling deep in my soul.

I can’t speak for my emotions, I listen to music, I eat food, I cry… I fail to find myself. Later, I feel sad and depressed, I do the same things again; music, food, watch tv, yell, scream and so on.

Many of us do this, but no one ever does turn inside. We’d rather listen to a certain song that tells a story that looks like our story so we relate to it, alter our story to fit to that song but rarely choose to write that song ourselves.

My partner thinks I’m so picky about movies and TV shows. Well, I am; if that movie won’t add any value to me, or if I can’t relate to the story, why do I wanna watch it then! Two hours at a time, life slides by and I’m old grumpy man. Why? because I’ve spent my life in front of the TV.

Yes, we can’t spend our time reading and learning, music is so relaxing and entertaining. I agree, but let it be of purpose, do your homework first then sit to relax and enjoy your time. There’s no point at all in just living to relax and rest, get tired so you can enjoy your time off.

I am talking to me and you…

I have been trying to start watching a good TV show in the last couple days. I was looking for something business related or about work and education and making money. There’s nothing like that on TV. Documentaries are useful and educational but not the kind of education I need at this point in my life.

It just happened to me that what I’m looking for is actually inside of me. I am seeking a voice to talk to me, to interpret how I’m feeling, to push me forward, take my hand and help me get where I want to be!!!

I love that I have a great partner who loves me today, I want friends too and people to share passion and ideas with. I can afford nice clothes and good food, I want fancy things and better options. I am in a very great place in my life, I want to keep growing up and help others feel satisfied about themselves and dreams.

I don’t want to watch much TV anymore, I want to spend more time with myself and for myself. I want to focus on everything I am doing and generally do; I want to be mindful and aware of everything around me and in me.


P.S. I would like you to listen to this video because it’s what helped me discover this idea about looking internally and focus on myself.


Silly Arguments, Bad Impacts

Waking up this morning, I didn’t feel my best due to insufficient sleep. I wanted to go run then gave in to being lazy. I tried to relax and prepare myself for a few things I need to work on. I decided to try and sleep again so I won’t ruin my whole day.

My partner wakes up, goes to the bathroom to shower then leave to work. He runs the water, for 5 minutes, then 10 then my text is sent asking him to shower instead of wasting all water and energy just to make him feel good. It is a waste, especially when done everyday, isn’t it, people?!

Next thing happens he’s silent as usual when we disagree on something. When he left the house he only said “See ya” but I didn’t reply because I was mad, because I knew my day is now officially ruined.

Later on, we exchanged a few text messages. I wanted to annoy him, to upset him then backed off.

I went to the store, got lots of cookies and started eating. So very passive-aggressive of me! I do hate when I do that.

I tried to watch porn and get laid. That usually helps e but wasn’t really in the mood, because it’s ridiculous.

It’s raining, the weather is so beautiful and I can spot a few orange and yellow trees turning for the season. It is so beautiful yet I can’t cope with this cloud of negative emotions.


Confusion – Aug 13, 2016

The same things that give me small fake pleasures are the source of my unhappiness.

At first, I think if I just do this one small thing, it’d help me feel better and move on to doing something else. Only when I do, I find myself caught up in an endless loop of doing the same thing over and over, obsessively, not able to stop, which again triggers undesired, not so happy feelings.

The circle goes on and on and on. It takes too many negative thoughts torturing my young imagination to put me back on the track of thinking positively as well as productively. A plan is developed and it’s time now to act on it. Sometimes, the first day, if so lucky, the first week would be great, then I’m caught up again in the same circle, spinning me around, tossing me from one negative feeling to another.

Physical-wise – The Defining Decade

The third and last part of this amazing book discusses the physical changes before, during and after the twenties and how planning for the future as well as working on ourselves during those years can help us be in a much better place.

The most interesting idea I loved in this chapter is the brain spurt. Well, our brains go through two major and big developmental stages. The first one happens in the first 18 months of our lives where the brain produces so many cells that it can use which explains the kids’ ability to learn so fast and pick almost any language at earshot. The extreme growth can affect children negatively because the mind can’t yet deal with all these cells and amount of activity in the brain which justifies how kids can say a statement in a false order.

The second spurt happens in our twenties. This time as the author explains we don’t learn languages, we learn all the things we need to prepare us for the adult life in our 30’s and later. This phase is all about experimenting and dealing with life first hand. At this age, we are able to pick up all kinds of knowledge , that’s why it’s so recommended to start working at this age and building a career; we are almost independent and have limited responsibilities.

This made me think of how much time we are wasting in our 20’s, it made me want to read more and more, learn as much as I can about anything I can.

I told my partner about this and he says “you’d better be specific also about what you learn”. He meant career-wise. Somehow, I do not think that was the most encouraging thing to say, yet it was sort of realistic maybe. I don’t want to overthink what he said, I don’t want to be grumpy!

The second idea in the chapter that caught my attention was under the title Calm Yourself. It’s summed up in being able to control your emotions and not respond negatively or emotionally to whatever comes your way. I love this and have learned it a while ago from Jack Canfield. We are “response-able” which means we can easily choose our responses to whatever happens; a better response, means a better result.

The last piece of advice shared is about doing the math; life will happen to us the same way it did to lots and lots of generations before us. Time does not go too fast or slow, it just goes steadily. A plan is paramount; a timeline, can help. The best time to do whatever we want to do is now. We need to think of it like that: right now; whatever, just do it right now, don’t wait until the next morning or weekend or whatever, RIGHT NOW, just start.

You and I have tried hard so many times to commit, we failed, let’s try again, right now! Let’s be who we want to be, you and I. We shall succeed and people shall follow!

“picking your family” – The Defining Decade

There were so many occasions in the past and family gatherings that I never had the slightest desire to attend. Yet, my father was always forcing my brother and I out of the door to join him because he believes in extended family and strong social bonds that unite people and help them connect.

For me, this had always been a myth, not the idea per se but the family. Extended family or whoever is defined as a relative is basically a threat I need to stay away from and avoid as much as I can.

My parents always said you can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends. The majority of us have friends of whom we are proud. However, our families are not always our source of support and encouragement. Too many kids were raised and still do in unhealthy relationships which haunts the kids for a long time. None of us ever chose where to grow up, yet we always have the freedom of choice of our partners in the future which is the beginning of a great life for kids yet to be born or an imitation of what happened to others in the past.

In this chapter, the book deals with families and love, how we are so confused about our partners sometimes, how narrow-minded we can be focusing on trivial details, how we can be self-centered and not give other a chance to prove their love to us. The author says there’s always a chance to pick your family; it’s not only about picking our partners but their backgrounds, lifestyle, parents and families because this is where our kids would grow up, among these very people.

Lots of twentysomethings today are enjoying random dating and pointless sex focusing on the momentary satisfaction or attention we get from others when we date the most beautiful girl or the handsome guy with the Ferrari. They never ask themselves if they are the right future partner or not. We can’t foresee ourselves in the future, so we don’t really plan ahead. I don’t like to assume that the 30’s, 40’s or 50’s can be bad and torturing and we would be lonely, no; but we definitely will change and our priorities will change so we need to learn and discover these changes and work for them so then we’ll be happier and able to take the necessary steps to fulfill our dreams.

Relationships take a lot of understanding and empathy to work out. When the one we love says the most horrible thing in the world, it can be the best they could do to overcome a problem or release their stress they’ve kept inside.

The ideal relationship does not exist, yet the so imperfect one can be perfect in itself. Personally, I don’t like the idea of dating for too long to see if a couple can be happily ever after married or not. Just like that business idea you approached or fearless decision you made, your relationship is a risk you take, sacrifice for, thrive and be with the one you love and care for the most.

“This is how it’s done!” – The Defining Decade

Distinctiveness is a fundamental part of identity. I am who I am because of how I am different from those around me

One of my fears about having a job used to be the feeling of being similar to too many people; having a job that pays me money but one where I can only work for the sake of work and making money. Being different and distinctive is a feeling we all experience in our twenties; most of us don’t want to be like someone else. and most of the time we like to think of ourselves as smarter, prettier, luckier and so on. That’s a good thing to do as I believe in positive self-talk. However, addressing ourselves this way only won’t be enough after a while as we will need to improve and add to our capital identity so we stay who we believe and like to be. That only comes with making a choice which is part of taking action.

The Tyranny of The Should is one of the ideas this books discusses. “I should have a job, I should look confident, I should make more money…” There are many “shoulds” to mention, only knowing why we should helps moving us in the right direction.

The message of the three parts of the book I’ve read today is to be more precise about what we want to do with our time, that even when we are sure of a hundred things we don’t want to do, we still must know that one thing we feel better about and do it. Yes, it might sound “ordinary” and “mundane” to do that thing. However, a clear purpose will keep us alert to more opportunities. When there seems to be a hundred opportunities to take, picking one does not mean the left 99 are gone but another hundred will open up soon. The risk of not choosing will lead to an end as the author called it, The Unthought Known. Nobody wants to be there, living whatever life throws on them.