Not Speaking

Do you know that moment when you’re pushing harder and harder to cry but still your eyes resist to let go of precious tears, shredding your heart into yet small pieces, not giving you a chance to say how sad and lonely you are truly feeling?

I am living such a moment today, since the moment I woke up until now. It’s almost midnight, I haven’t been able to let go of this anger, can’t swallow my pride and approach with a kiss or a hug or even say “I love you”

 

Too damaged I am to just go to bed and sleep on it. Tomorrow if I don’t do anything, it’ll just remain the same.

I don’t lnow what to say. I haven’t said a word all day long. My back hurts, my head is so crammed up with scenarios of scenarios that could happen if we just start talking to each other; arguments, fights, complaints and blame, all negative, all destructive and all serve but an ugly ego.

Yes, just desperate attempts to draw attention… What else do you think I would do at this point? I am capable of doing better but…

We have not touched today, not once! Isn’t that heartbreaking!

Thank to my bad obsessive habits of online stalking men… I’m completely distracted and unconsciously used to just stalk men, approach them and then do nothing but stare on my screen…

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